I wish you could have known my Benjie.

    He came to me as a gift and was a precious one.  He was only 6 weeks old, so tiny, and so adorable. It was love at first sight, and the love lasted his whole life.

    When Benjie came into our home, he immediately staked his claim on our gorgeous wing chair.  At least it was gorgeous.  He ate it a bite at a time.  He was just a little white fur-ball working his way through the once gorgeous chair.  He knew that it was his very own property, and he enjoyed every bite of it.

    He must have had a bit of Retriever in him.  One of his favorite things was to reach into the laundry basket, grab a “delicate piece,” and run around and around, and then into the living room letting it wave like a flag as he made his entrance.  I wasn’t too pleased having my dirty laundry exposed to everyone, but Benjie acted as though he was doing me a big favor.  How could I be upset with him?  He knew he was toooooo cute, and he was so right.

    My husband taught Benjie to dance.  Benjie would stand on his hind legs and beg with his front paws.  He was a quick study and looked very professional in nothing flat.  One day I took him to work with me, and everyone gathered around to see the dancing dog.  He made quite a splash.

    Benjie was able to read my every move.  He knew when I wasn’t feeling well and would be very attentive, keep me company, and watch over me.

    One time we drove six thousand miles, round trip, from New York to Las Vegas, where we stayed five nights in hotels.  He didn’t tolerate the first half of our trip very well, but on our return he seemed to know when we left Las Vegas that we were going home and seemed eager and happy to be going there.

    Benjie was seldom left alone at home.  He was a true family member and was included in almost every thing.  If he didn’t go out with us, we arranged for a sitter to be with him.

    One of our favorite games was hide-and-go-seek.  Of course, I was the one who hid and I could hear the click of his toenails on the floor as he ran around to find me.  Benjie would get so excited and happy when he found me.  We had such good times together.  He wasn’t actually spoiled; he just naturally deserved attention.

    Eventually, the day came when he was trying to walk, and he fell over.  I called my husband, he rushed home, and we took Benjie to the Vet.  A very brief examination revealed that he had cancer.  The Vet felt that treatment would not prolong his life.  My husband and I weren’t ready to give up on him so quickly, so Benjie received a series of cortisone shots that seemed to help him for a couple of months.  We felt that he had gone into remission, but then he got worse.  The Vet didn’t feel that Benjie would benefit from chemotherapy, and we didn’t want to put him through that.

    Even though he seemed to be better for a while, the cortisone had several side effects.  It can increase the appetite, make the animal pant and drink a lot of water.  It can also cause severe bloating.

    Benjie was taken for a checkup.  His doctor said that the cancer had spread all over, and he felt that it was time for his “final sleep.”  He also said that it would be selfish for us to take him home for a week or two and then come back in with a dead dog!

    I told him my final good-bye.  When he received the first shot, a calm showed in his eyes. Maybe he was grateful that we were doing the right thing for him.  All the previous few months, I told him that he was going to see his “doggie mommy” soon and when he went to heaven to send me a sign that he was OK.  I cried a lot just thinking of the time when I wouldn’t see him race through the house with my underwear waving from his mouth, or see him doing his special dance, or playing hide-and-seek.  I told him often how much I loved him and how special he was, and I thanked him for all the special years that we had together.

    It has been a bit over 2 months since Benjie passed.  I still cry and find it hard to accept that he is no longer here.

    I had hoped that maybe he would come back and allow me to see him, but that hasn’t happened yet.  However, I do think that he has been here, because at times I have smelled his fur.  I feel that is his sign to me that he is OK.  I will know for sure when I, also, pass over, and we can be together again.

    Benjie came to me as a little white fur-ball.  When he left this world, he was a handsome hunk.  Yes, I still miss him so much.  If you had known him, you would love and miss him too.

                                                                                         — Sandra